My Life Is Kaiba
by Inali Grimalkin
Summary: A series of slice of life stories from Kaiba's POV. Marked as complete though will randomly add more. Most will be funny but there may be the odd sentimental one. And some chapters may have hinted ships... Most are based off things that happened to me MLIK
1. Worse Than 3 Ripped Up BEWD

**Just a bit of fun ;)**

* * *

Today was already not going well. After dealing with lab techs and share holders all day, this moment was supposes to be the counter balance, make up for everything else. But _this_, this was blasphemy. I knew the moment the offender was in front of me that there was no God.

I resisted the urge to yell. I consider myself a tolerant man, I have to be to put up with Yugi and his friends, not to mention the pressures of being the CEO for a large gaming company. The atrocity that faced me now was worse than if the mutt had torn up all three of my Blue Eyes and then defeated me in a duel.

I looked up at the woman who, while not responsible was going to be held accountable until the real culprit was brought forth.

I fixed her with the coldest glare I could muster, I could tell it was making her uncomfortable. Good. I took a deep breath, working on keeping my temper in check as I didn't want to cause a scene, and pushed the offending _thing_ away from me.

"There are no letters in my alphabet soup. I demand a refund."

* * *

**Based on my lunch the other day. The cafe advertised Alphabet soup as the special of the day. I was pretty excited since I hadn't had it since I was a kid and I hurt one of my teeth so can only eat soft foods for the next while. When they brought t out to me it was soup with veggies and stuff in it but not a single letter! I didn't complain cause I was hungry, but it made me wonder what Kaiba would do.**


	2. The Ultimate Burn

I had been interested in Serenity for quite some time when I finally plucked up the courage to ask her on a date. The fact that she was the mutt's sister had no interest to me, I liked her for who she was. When she said yes to the date she told me that her brother was going to probably give me a lecture about being nice and not taking advantage, etc, etc. The best way to get through to him I was told was to joke with him, to show that I was just as human as he and his friends were.

When I picked her up that night the mutt, Joey, was waiting for me. He glared as I walked into the living room to wait while Serenity finished getting ready. I don't know why women do that, tell you to pick them up t a certain time, but still be doing their hair or make up when you arrive. I mean really, if you're not going to be ready then tell me and I'll come a little later, or you could start gettign ready earlier and then actually be ready when you say you'll be.

"Now, no funny stuff Kaiba. My sister ain't easy and I want her treated nice. She's a lady and if you mess with her in any way..." I wrack my mind for a good joke, something he's familiar with that he'd know was a joke. I almost tune him out, listening only for a good idea for a joke. I can't joke about her being a lady, that would just upset hi,m and possibly Serenity. 'Treat her nice?' Of course I'll 'treat her nice' you insufferable idiot, what do you think I am? Suddenly it hits me, the perfect opening for a 'your mama', or in this case sister, joke. I remember they were quite popular a while ago, I used to hear Yugi and his friends spout them back and forth and no matter how insulting they seemed everyone laughed because it was quite clear it was a joke.

"Please Wheeler," I let my voice slip back into the sarcastic tone he knows so well "Your sister is so easy that in the world of quantum mechanics I've already slept with her in every universe." I heard Serenity give a snort of laughter from her room and as she came out, finally ready, she was trying not to smile. I smiled back at her quite pleased with myself for delivering such a perfect joke. Serenity just shook her head at me a little as she got her coat.

As we left, Joey was speechless. Yes I'd say that was the, what was it they said? Oh yes, the 'ultimate burn.'

**Lol, so this story isn't inspired by something that happened to me. The epic fail 'your mama' joke I came across the other day and laughed because of how dorky it sounded and I was reminded of Kaiba if he were to try to fit in and yet he fails miserably. Anyway please review and if anyone has ideas for other shorts feel free to let me know ^-^**


	3. Karma's a btch

**This one's a bit of a vent session...  
**

* * *

It happened around lunch time, I was coming back from a nearby restaurant with Mokuba when an American man in an expensive suit bumped against us in the street and nearly knocked Mokuba over. I caught his arm and glared at the man.

"Out of my way brats. I'm not going to have two young hoodlums ruin my suit, " he spat in rough Japanese looking down at us before walking away. I glare after him, but said nothing. I wanted to just take Mokuba back to school and then head back to work for a meeting I had scheduled, but as usual my brother had other plans.

"Who do you think you are to talk to us like that?" Mokuba yelled after him. The man didn't even look back to acknowledge us.

"It doesn't matter Mokuba, he's just a stupid foreigner if he didn't know who we are. He's not worth our time," I took him back to school and then made my way back to the office, fuming the entire way. Being rude like that was inexcusable, we had done nothing to deserve it.

I remembered the saying 'don't judge a man by how he treats his equals, but by how he treats those he thinks are below him'. People often assume I'm like that, and I'll grant you I can be a prick, but I treat my employees well and believe me when I say I withhold a lot of my comments.

I knew how this man was, he thought Mokuba and I were just two dumb teens who were in his way and so he treated us as such. Had he said excuse me or apologized there would have been no problem, men like him sicken me, they remind me of my father. Too full of self importance and conceit to realize there are others around who deserve the same respect, regardless of their station in life or their age.

Because of my youth I had to fight for the respect of my board members and of my employees and it shouldn't have been that way. A knock on my office door snapped me from my pacing and inner rant.

"Yes?" I called as I returned to my chair, my secretary opened the door slightly.

"Your 2:30 Mr. Parker is here," she said poking her head through the small opening.

"Send him in," I replied trying to force the annoyance out of my voice and the glare off my face. As Mr. Parker walked in I smiled, but I know it wasn't a pleasant business smile, it was the smile of a predator upon finding weak prey. I shook his hand as though there was nothing wrong.

He didn't recognize me, I held back a disdain filled laugh. For once I was glad foreigners seem to have trouble telling Asians apart.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Kaiba-san," he said, his Japanese was still rough and a few words are mispronounced. I decided to make it easy for him.

"Please, call me Brat," I replied in clear English as I relished the confused look on his face. "Or if you'd rather you could call me Hoodlum. I'm glad to see my brother and I didn't ruin your suit."

* * *

**So this one came into existence because a little while ago I had this client at work and she was such a prick. From the moment I greeted her she treated me like I was nothing for no reason! I mean, if I had done something for her to be mad at me then fine I get that, but really I didn't do anything to tick her off and she was rude the entire time and she kept doing that little annoyed sigh thing people do. Then, when my manager comes by suddenly she all kittens and sweetness.**

**"Oh how are you? It's so good to see you, oh my little girl is turning three next week. Did I tell you I had another daughter, she's such an angel, etc, etc" and I'm standing there like WTF? Suddenly you're Jekyll? Where the Hell is the Hyde I had to deal with for the past half hour? So yeah, this was a vent for people who are only nice or polite to people who they think "deserve" it *eye roll*.  
**


	4. TNT

**Kinda based on my life. A bit anyway lol.  
**

* * *

Today was a long day, like I had any other kind of day? I walked up the stairs heading to my office, just wanting to be alone for a few minutes.

"I'm going to be in my office for a while, I don't want to be disturbed," I said as I passed one of my servants, I was so stressed I didn't even bother to see who it was I was talking to. Once in my office I put on my iTunes and opened my briefcase to go over some paper work. People didn't expect me to be the kind to listen to music as I worked, they assumed I sat in silence, but no, the music is a nice background noise and I found it relaxing.

I had been working for over an hour when I realized my foot was tapping and I was humming under my breath. It was amazing how much of a stress reliever music could be.

I put down the folder I was reading and got up, my head bobbing in time to the music as I stretched my legs.

"_I'm dirty, mean and mighty unclean. I'm a wanted man…_" I started to sing, quietly at first, but the longer I moved around my office the more energized I felt. For some reason AC/DC was the perfect music for me to relax to. "_Cos I'm T.N.T. I'm Dynamite._" The guitar solo began to play and I found myself doing air guitar. "_T.N.T. oi oi oi T.N.T. oi oi oi_"

"Hey Seto, can we order pi-" I froze and opened my eyes as the final chords of T.N.T played, I was still in the middle of doing air guitar and Mokuba had frozen as well. His eyes were wide as he stood in the doorway, his hand resting on the knob. Back in Black started up and I cleared my throat and resumed my usual demeanor.

"Yes, we can order pizza, go phone I'll be out soon." He nodded and closed the door behind him, still looking very confused. After he had left I waited a moment then resumed my head banging and air guitar "_Forget the hearse 'cause I'll never die. I got nine lives, cat's eyes. Usin' every one of them and running wild…_"

* * *

**So this one came to me randomly while I was on my way to work, my ipod started playing T.N.T and I had this image of Kaiba headbanging to it XD. AC/DC is also the only band whose music I will ever find myself bobbing my head, tapping my feet and even singing without realizing it. Their songs just have that force that makes you want to do it, even someone as reserved as Kaiba lol.  
**

**As for Mokuba walking in, I'm sure we've all had those moments of singing into our hairbrush or dancing around the room only to realize that a family member was standing there.  
**


End file.
